i am the church // i am the family

Tag Archives: parent cue

I’m working hard to review all the sessions and breakouts of the Orange Conference (back in April).  This week, I want to review the content and experience of the “Implementing the XP3 Curriculum” session.  Even though I’ve been using XP3 for a few years now, I still learned a bunch from the Jeremy and Jared comedy duo.  Then, what made it unique for me, was that I got to be a part of a panel with three other youth guys to talk about implementation and questions people may have.  [Yeah, my photographer friend didn't get pics of Jeremy and Jared.  But, let's be real, my camera would have exploded with wonder, discover, and passion upon seeing them.]

My experience with the XP3 curriculum has been strong.  As much as my pride causes me to sometimes think that we should “be doing our own stuff,” I’ve begun to really see the XP3 team as partners with Scott and me in developing our large group and small group communication.

The three main dealios for XP3 fall in line with the rest of the reThink (Orange) curriculum.  At this stage, we’re really looking to:

- Incite WONDER (at our awesome God)

- Provoke DISCOVERY (about who these kids are in Christ)

- Fuel PASSION (for others)

One of the key things I was reminded of in this session is that oftentimes, we rip the wonder right out of youth ministry because we spoon-feed the “right answers” to every question before our students can wrestle with the ideas.  What ends up happening is kind of like a “wonder atrophy” because God is pretty much this manageable God who can be explained away and placed in a really small box.  That’s not the God of the Bible!  It’s important for youth workers to allow kids to think, allow them to worship– making God big in their lives.

The self-discovery (what does it look like to follow Jesus) is really ramped up in elementary with the 252 Basics and the 36 virtues, but I really feel like that discovery happens best for teenagers in the midst of our kids having their passion fueled for reaching people beyond the walls of the church.

I like the XP3 curriculum because it helps me leave kids asking questions, helps kids to further identify themselves as sons and daughters of God, and pushes them outside the holy huddle.

One of the things that I’ve always loved is that XP3 protects me from my blind spots.  There are certain places of passion that I’m probably always going to land (making wise decisions, the Gospel, etc.), but there are also places that I may neglect if not careful (prayer, caring for “the least of these,” etc.).  Knowing that XP3 is hitting all the relevant areas for this age group is key for me.

I love the way that the curriculum is designed to make the small group leader the “hero.”  They finish the message.  A lot of times, the speaker is supposed to leave a thought hanging so that the group can hash out the conclusion.  It may seem messier, but it actually works better for ownership of an idea.

Another distinctive of XP3 is the “XP,” or experience.  Each series has something that goes beyond information transfer.  For example, I’m in a series right now about dating, “Dating by Numbers.”  The XP for this series is that each student find a couple that they respect and interview them, asking questions about how they got together, what’s important, etc.  Here’s what I’m banking on.  No matter how great I am in my sermons, they may not remember anything by the end of the summer– but I’m banking on them remembering the time that they took to talk to someone they respected about their real life dating relationship.  If you’re not doing the XP, you’re really not even doing the XP3 curriculum because that experience is so vital.

What makes the XP3 curriculum “orange” though (the Church partnering with the family) is the Parent Cue.  The youth ministry team gets the opportunity to give parents a heads up on what’s going on; but, beyond that, a “cue” or conversation-starter based on what they’re learning at youth.  This is a vital piece of the how-do-I-disciple-my-kids-now-that-I-don’t-tuck-them-in-at-night puzzle.  This also helps to avoid a “dry cleaner” mentality amongst parents, “Hey, I’m just dropping my kids off with you.  You clean ‘em up.”  This helps start and maintain that conversation and partnership between the youth team and parents.

* At the end of the session, I got to go up with some fell0w youth guys and talk about my experience.  It was cool.  A nice lady in the crowd took pictures of me “for my mom.”  He he he…  I would just say that I would love to talk to anyone about implementation of the XP3 curriculum just like I did on that day.  I certainly don’t need a mic in front of my face to talk about something I’m so passionate about.  I also realized that I wished I was sitting down for 3/4 of that time because I would have loved to have recorded Lance, Michael, and Justin’s great ideas in my trusty orange notepad!  Anyway, thanks for inviting me to be a part of it, Jeremy.


Mary Kate trusted me enough to take Evie to her wellness doctor’s appointment this morning. She’s in school this morning, so our daddy-daughter date was to the pediatrician! Fun.

I knew this might be a tricky day when I realized that I had forgotten her bottle at home. Mercifully, she slept in the lobby as I filled out paperwork. Then we undressed and weighed her. The doctor gave me some advice here and there. Overall, she’s healthy. A parent’s dream, right?

Then we get to the part about the shots. She was supposed to have three today. I don’t understand them. I don’t understand what they’re preventing. I just know that it would be uncomfortable, I would not be the “cool dad” while it was happening, and she would cry a lot.

So I didn’t get them.

I just figured that I would let someone else do it someday. I mean, she doesn’t have any symptoms now; so why unnecessarily make things difficult. Besides, I didn’t want little Evie to associate her dad with pain or discomfort. I’m the cool dad, the one with the puppets and songs.

So I didn’t get the shots.

OK, hopefully by now you’re thinking that I’m crazy. Because, in spite of the reasons not to, I held Evie’s hands as she screamed in terror at what was happening to her. I knew it’s what needed to happen. I didn’t want her to grow up unhealthy. I wanted to give her her best chance. I was imagining the end, and I realized that (in order for her to be what I wanted her to be: HEALTHY) I had to do some things now.

It was uncomfortable.
I didn’t feel like the “cool dad.”
She cried.

But it all needed to happen.

Look, I’m not trying to be hard on parents on here. I don’t want to come down as being heavy-handed about investing in the spiritual lives of your kids at home. All I’m saying is, “Can we just vow to kick it up a notch?” Wherever you are in this investing in your children’s spiritual growth spectrum (whether a rookie or a grizzled vet), can we all make up our minds to grow in this area– to invest more?

How about the dad who just doesn’t ever pray with his wife? If you can’t make a relationship with God personal for your own marriage, don’t be surprised when your kids think Christianity is a joke later on.

Can you fight through the discomfort of starting something new to achieve an end (ONENESS) in mind?

How about the father who never prays with his children?

Can you fight through the fear of being labeled uncool (“C’mon dad! This is booooring!”) to invest in what matters most, an end (A SAVING RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS) in mind?

How about the father whose relationship with his teenager (well, let’s face it) isn’t going so well? You’re detached. Maybe you yelled at your daughter and haven’t apologized yet.

Yes, it may take tears (hearing her say how much you hurt her); but don’t you think you need to invest with an end (AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR KID) in mind?

Look, what I love about the Orange strategy is that it provides multiple tools for the same end: helping parents invest in their kids at home. We realize that what happens at home is JUST as important as what happens in the church. And we know that, sometimes, all we need is next steps. Something to invest in– to kick things up a notch. That’s what the Parent Cues are all about. If you don’t know what they are, please ask! They’re vital and designed with the end in mind.

So…take your shot. If you want inspiration, encouragement, or practical advice, talk to me (or your kids’ ministry leader or small group leader). This is our PASSION. We will learn from each other. But don’t wuss out…

Take your shots. Let’s celebrate together the shots that we take to be better parents.


I’m excited about this weekend. No, not just about the game. I’m excited because I get to participate in the relaunch of New Harvest’s Orange Family Experience (FX) that we call “Family Life Live.”

Here’s what it’s not:

- a pageant [Yes, there are children and youth performing, using their God-given talents; but let's not confuse the purpose...]
- an excuse for me to act crazy on the stage [I will do this. But it is for a reason...]
- something for the kids [Well, it's definitely appropriate for kids, and kids will love it. But it's for the whole family! So...shh...and pay attention...]

Because:

Family Life Live is for families. This is an opportunity for parents of babies, toddlers, children, and youth to experience godly edu-tainment together.

* It’s funny. There are references that only the parents will get. For example, I make jokes about Samuel L Jackson, the California legislature, and Bernie Madoff. And kids will love the goofy antics of goofy characters.

* It’s centered on God’s Word. The whole morning is about a unified subject each time. This Sunday, it’ll be about HONOR (which comes from the story of David being anointed king of Israel). And everything, from the songs, to the emcees, to the skits, to the Bible characters all have to do with reinforcing this godly virtue and how it plays out in our everyday life. Yes, we could just open up a Bible and have kids sit in a circle and read it to them; but we can also leverage our creativity to present timeless truths in a relevant (and hilarious/disarming/way-more-memorable) way.

* It’s a valuable tool. Family Life Live is intended to be a launching point for conversation in the family. Every age group has resources available to their parents to help further spiritual conversations in the home:

– parents of babies here can take advantage of the monthly Parent Link Live podcasts that speak to this special time

– parents of toddlers have a monthly Parent Cue that enables parents to engage in conversations with their little ones during play time, car time, bath time, and cuddle time

- parents of elementary kids get parent cues also and can take advantage of the amazing Parent Cue App that furthers the conversation during drive time, hang time, and meal time

- parents of middle school and high school students have access to a parent cue (on our parents’ blog) for every series that we do (including intentional activities and conversations that you can have)

- Family Life Live is one more tool for parents to engage in spiritual conversations with their kid(s). Granted, if you’re not engaging in any conversation afterwards, I can see where people would say, “Meh, it’s not for me.” But that’s kind of like saying that P90X stinks because I didn’t get results when I didn’t actually DO any of the workouts.

In order to get the maximum effect of Family Life Live (or any of the Parent Cues that we offer), you’ve got to continue (or start) the conversation with your kid(s). Our family ministry team is here to help. To me, FLL is one big catalyst for making that happen.

And that’s why I am excited.

But, hey, those of you who have participated in the past, tell the world what it’s meant to your family!



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