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This past week, I was preparing for a message that I was giving on Sunday night; and a prayer from Jacob really hit me.  The prayer’s context is pretty important.  Jacob was a sneaky, sneaky guy.  Earlier in his life, he was the kind of person who would sell a dead parakeet to a blind kid.  One of his antics got him in a ton of hot water: stealing his father’s blessing from his brother, Esau.  When Esau found out that Jacob had stolen his father’s blessing by tricking his dad, he intended to kill his brother.  So…Jacob, being the smart kid that he was, bolted from his home to spend many years as a fugitive– in fear of Esau’s wrath.

Maybe he would have stayed away for his whole life.  Who knows?  There’s was just one wrinkle in this whole story.  Jacob was the grandson of Abraham.  Since he was, this meant that he was the heir of the promise that was given to his grandfather, namely that he would be the father of a “great nation” and prosper in the Promised Land.

According to God, living like a fugitive was not the plan.  God promised Jacob that, if he returned, he wouldn’t die.  God’s promise would endure– in spite of Jacob’s bad behavior.

This prayer comes up right before Jacob is about to dip his toe back into the pool of a relationship with Esau.  After years of being away, Jacob was ready to go home– and hoping that Esau would literally bury the hatchet.

Here’s the prayer (with some stuff left out for focus):

“O God…you who said to me, ‘Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,’…Save me, I pray from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me…But You have said, ‘I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.”

Let me pull out stuff from this awesome, real prayer.

1. Jacob goes to God with his problem.  Do we model this in our home?  Where do we take our problems?

2. Jacob knows what God has promised.  Do we know God’s promises?  Kind of hard to know if we’re not reading His Word.

3. Jacob is totally real about how he’s feeling.  Yes, Jacob knows that God has said he will not die– but he doesn’t feel it; and he’s being honest before God about those raw (very understandable) feelings.

4. Jacob falls back on God’s promise, in the end.  Jacob’s prayer doesn’t end with his feelings.  Instead, he goes back to God’s promises.

How do we model prayers to teenagers?  If we skip step two and four, we’re just praying through our feelings– with no knowledge of God.  If we skip step three, though, we’re never really laying our hearts before God.  So, how can we model this kind of promise-motivated vulnerability to the next generation?


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I had one of those good phone calls recently.  As a youth pastor, there are definitely phone calls you dread, Facebook statuses that make you cringe, and emails that get your heart racing.  But, once in a blue moon, you get a really cool phone call that puts the other stuff into perspective.

A “kid” called me after me not hearing from him for ten years.

This was a kid that I always felt bittersweet about.  In one sense, I was proud of the fact that I had invested in him, sharing the Gospel, sharing how to have a relationship with Jesus, etc.  This was a kind-hearted kid who I’d spend a lot of time with, wrestling with life and faith.  In another sense, though (and this is probably compounded by there being no social networking ten years ago), I was very sad that we had lost touch.  He slipped out of my life when I was a young 24-year-old youth pastor, and I hadn’t talked to him since.  Since then, I’ve moved to California from North Carolina.  Seriously, what were the odds we’d ever talk again?

Yet it happened.  And it was cool.

Reconnecting was fun.  It was cool to hear that he was reconnecting to church because HIS KIDS (geez, am I getting this old?) were dragging him to church on Sunday morning.  ”Daddy, we have to go to church!”  Love it.  It’s awesome to hear that he’s going to be getting into a small group where he can grow in his faith.  Awesome, awesome, awesome.

I got to pray with him on the phone, knowing that this wouldn’t be the last conversation we have.  It’s amazing to think that he is now a veteran dad (with an eight-year-old and a four-year-old, I think), and I have much to learn from him.

This “kid” (who is now 27-years-old and a dad!) reminded me that sometimes we need to realize that God is writing a story with our lives.  And, yeah, sometimes there are some chapters that make us wonder what’s going on; but some of us with short-term gratification issues (most of us youth pastors and parents, more than likely) need to realize that there is a longer story that God is writing.

I’m excited to hear about this young man as he continues to grow in his faith and becomes an instrumental part of his children’s faith.  His story encourages me when I’m discouraged.  When students slip out the backdoor of the ministry I’m entrusted to lead, I have to remember that, for some people, it takes time– but God IS writing a story.  And I’m sure that for parents who are struggling with a teenager who’s just not “feeling church” right now, it could be an encouragement too.

Sometimes things take time.  Ten years maybe.  Maybe more.  In the end, though, the only thing that matters is a person’s relationship with Jesus Christ.  This boy/man is back on track.  Amen.


First off, I am completely aware that I am posting something about Father’s day September.  That may be an indication of how crazy my summer has been…

This past Father’s Day, my church had father’s come up on stage with one of their kids and a little cardboard sign.  On the cardboard sign was a number– a number signifying how many more weekends that dad had left to be the primary influence in his kid’s life (before they went off to college).  It was a powerful moment.  I’ve written about the concept before here.  Also, my header (for now) on my FB fan page is a picture of all the dads.

This video followed.  These are the dads who were “at zero.”  In other words, these were the dads whose sons and daughters were graduating and heading off to community college or college.  Just being a part of the filming process with these men was humbling, and it really made me think about the time that I have with Evie.  Thank you Jon, Mark, Paul, and Brian for sharing you heart in this:


I’ve been talking a lot about this idea of “widening the circle” amongst youth group parents and with anyone I can talk to– it’s the idea of having other, committed, non-parental adults in the life of your kid as they are growing up.  You want to have people who would say what you would say to your kid (but with a different, possibly more effective, voice).

In preparation for our “Orange” series (which starts this Sunday morning), Pastor Mitch asked the Family Ministry team to talk about their people– the ones who invested in them when they were younger.  It was great to hear about the people who invested in my team mates.

I laughed to myself during the meeting, “Well, this would be a good blog post…”

The Celtics have KG, Pierce, and Ray.  Here are my “Big Three”…

Sister Bernadette is a nun from Ireland who invested in me and my brothers when I was in elementary school.  She was probably in her 40′s (it goes without saying that she wasn’t married or a mom), and she was just a fixture at St. Francis Catholic Church in Mocksville, NC.  Did I constantly impersonate the Irish trill in her voice?  Maybe.  But she was always patient with me.  I think you had to have a sense of humor to love me with my mullet and hyperactive personality.  She would take us on trips to go see the Christmas lights and preside over church picnics and the like.  I remember that she would let me be myself in church plays, and I always had a sense that she believed in me.  I can still hear her encouraging me to settle down.

I walked away from church when I was in middle school.  I got a gig working at the Holiday Inn bussing tables and washing dishes.  The cold, hard cash was tempting for a young guy with a baseball card addiction.

But, years later, when I was sifting through the wreckage of an ugly divorce between my mom and my stepdad, trying to figure out who I was in high school, I went to Young Life for the first time.  There, I met two more of my Big Three.

Hunter French was a Wake Forest junior when I started coming to Young Life.  He led my “campaigner” Bible study.  He was a vegetarian.  I’d never met one of those.  I remember the first time I came to his group.  He said to open up the book of Ephesians, and I thought that an “ephesian” sounded more like a foot disease.  I was lost, but he helped me to map my way towards God’s truth.  He loved teenagers.  Our small group was a motley crew, and he loved us all the same.  The Waffle House ended up becoming a sacred space on Thursday nights when we would meet and talk about who Jesus is.  I loved him so much that I ended up taking my first road trip with another campaigner buddy to Bethesda, MD to be at his wedding.

Mark Hogan was a guy in his 40′s who is kind of cloaked in mystery for me.  He was never around that much with Young Life.  I think he was on the committee, more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy.  I know he worked in finance.  I’m not even sure if he had a family.  But he was there when I needed him.  When I needed him was when I went to Frontier Ranch in July of 1995.  There, the Gospel penetrated my heart; and, for the first time in my life, I surrendered my life to Jesus.  It was great to have a father-figure on that trip because I was seeing for the first time how much my heavenly Father loves me.  I remember the night I surrendered my life to Jesus hugging him and weeping like a little baby because I had just “gotten” a glimpse of how much God loved me.

Mark and the rest of my cabin. I’m upper left. He’s got a sweet mustache.

Those are my three.  They probably don’t even know they are.  There are three questions here.  Answer any or all:

Who are your people?

Who are you positioning in the life of your kid(s) to be those people?

Where do you serve the next generation?



Last night, I was awfully jet-lagged from the Orange Conference flight home; but my wife had made me a better youth leader by promising that we would go see a group of students off before prom (so I was going). I’m glad I did.

MK just loves taking pictures of students during those awesome life moments, so I got to kind of hang back with Evie and reflect, project, and think about life in general. I had more than one proud papa or proud mama tell, “Enjoy this [meaning Evie being little] because pretty soon she’ll be going to prom too.” I said she wasn’t allowed just yet. :-)

I’ve still got at least fourteen years, but it did have me thinking.

In that moment, Evie’s greatest concern was kissing her Thumper (the bunny from Bambi) doll and gnawing on his face. One of these days, she is going to have far more perilous concerns. Some “Thumper” may be wanting to kiss and gnaw on her at prom night 2028, and I was thinking about what needs to happen between now and then to equip her to succeed under those very real pressures.

I want her to be so in love with Jesus that, when some befreckled dweeb with Justin Bieber hair bats his eyes at her that she crushes without being crushed.

This morning I was listening to a cd I bought at the Orange Conference with her. It’s all about how God made her, God loves her, and Jesus wants to be her friend forever. I figure that, with this whole relationship with God thing, if I stay in “neutral” (ok stuff but not leading her to Jesus: stuff like Yo Gabba Gabba, Disney, Dora the Explorer, Justin Bieber, or Raffi) I’m not going to be moving her towards Jesus. And, yeah, there’s definitely stuff that will grow her up feeling entitled and give her an attitude (I would consider that “reverse”..won’t name names because I’m not the judge).

But if I can move into first gear (“forward”) from the beginning and inch her closer and closer to a relationship with Jesus then maybe (just maybe) I can rest a little easier on prom night 2028. There are no guarantees. But I’d rather bet on Jesus than that red one-eyed pickle, a princess, an “exploradora,” a hearthrob, a folk artist, or even her old daddy.

She’s got to feel a part of a bigger story. And that starts now.


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I was challenged by my pastor’s words this morning. At one point, he was talking about the idea that we really don’t get the value of things.

He showed a clip from “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” in which Charlie is contemplating NOT using his golden ticket. He wants to sell it because he thinks he needs the money more. His grandpa calls him over to help him understand an important fact: some things are more important than money. In this case, using that golden ticket would be a once in a lifetime opportunity. Grandpa tells Charlie, “Don’t be a dummy!”

So it had me thinking, how am I doing with this? With my job, there’s not really a temptation or possibility to make more money in the foreseeable future; so that really can’t be what drives me. But, let me start with what I consider to be my golden tickets (the chances I shouldn’t pass up) as a husband and father…

1. No one should love my wife like I love her.

The rest of the world should rightly think that I have a crush on my wife. Most importantly, she should feel that love.

2. No one else can be My daughter’s daddy.

She needs to know that see is a priority in my life. No other competing stuff should get in the way.

So how am I doing on those two things? Evie is six months old today. So, I’m done with my first semester in this completely reoriented life with a baby in the house.

I don’t think I’ve been doing my best.

It’s still amazing to me how many times I miss things because I’m being a dummy:

* I get caught up in drama with young people in the church.

* I care more about Madden, watching Hulu, or blogging (appearing to be this “orange dad”) sometimes than actually being a spiritual leader in my home.

* I just allow my tiredness to dictate how much I show my love.

Whether it’s my savior complex, a desire for escape or narcissism, or my belly or my head, oftentimes I feel like I’m not taking the golden tickets that God has placed in my life.

Seven years ago, I married the love of my life.

Six months ago, the other love of my life came into this world.

I prayed for these amazing, miraculous things; and God was more than faithful.

“Father, help me to seize what’s most important in my life– and not be a dummy.”


Confession time. Recently, I was sitting on the couch, watching TV, and this ad came on:

I looked over at Mary Kate (my wife); and said, “OK, this commercial makes no sense to me. I don’t get it.”

Then she explained that it was all about the movie “The Black Swan.” I didn’t even realize the girl was wearing a ballerina outfit. The commercial went from being kind of lame to pretty genius. I just didn’t get it in the first place.

I was thinking about that experience, about finally admitting that I might not know everything and chancing that my wife might know what was going on; and I realized that this is not normal for me.

If I don’t know something, I don’t like asking people. I don’t want to ask for help. I’ll keep quiet and Google it later. I’ll pretend like I know what people are talking about.

For some reason, I equate my coolness with being able to know everything about everything.

Here’s the problem with that: I can’t be an expert on everything.

I’m not an expert on parenting. That’s for sure. When Evie came into this world about five months ago, it was less of a “OK, you’ve crammed and know everything, right?” than a “Ready or not, here I come!”

I feel more “not” than “ready.”

Ready or not, this is what God calls His people to do when it comes to being a parent (extracted from Deuteronomy 6:5-7):

- Love God with all your intentions
- Love God with your deepest passions
- Love God with the most commitment you can possibly muster
- Internalize God’s Word
- Impress God’s Word on the hearts of your kids
- Talk about His Word all the time

Pretty intimidating, huh? But the stakes of not admitting that we need help are so much greater than if we fail to mention that we don’t understand a Mustang commercial. For one, this is a command from God. It’s the way things are supposed to be. Also, we’re talking about something so precious– our kids.

Which is more important to you, though, preserving your pride or taking help?

This is why I love Orange. At New Harvest, we’re walking with you, offering up ways to do what God is commanding us to do.

If you’ve got a baby, listen to Parent Link Live.

If you’ve got a toddler, those monthly Parent Cues that you can pick up at registration are vital (also…stay tuned for a pre-school parent blog!).

If you’ve got elementary kids, there are myriad ways, between the Parent Cues, Family Life Live, and (my favorite) the Parent Cue App.

If you’ve got middle school or high school kids, our parent cues are now taking video form and are available on our blog and our Facebook fan page.

Look, I had to ask what was going on with that commercial. Maybe we need to take the small steps to get us to start realizing the potential that we have as parents to impress God’s Word on our kids’ hearts.

It all starts with a question, “Hey, um, I’ve got a kid whose _______. What can I be doing to help her grow in her faith?”


How can I convince anyone that the church needs to take raising up parents to raise up kids seriously? In other words, how can I convince anyone that we need to be “Orange”?

The only thing that I can liken to “being orange” is “being green.” By now, we all know (at least in some practical sense) what it means to be “green.” Once a Kermit the Frog song, now we know that it is important for us to take seriously the stewardship of this earth that God given us.

I remember when people who wanted to recycle or celebrate “Earth Day” were considered hippies and a joke. I think a transition happened after Al Gore’s movie, “An Inconvenient Truth.” All of a sudden, it was if the world sat up straight and started to listen to what may be a problem. In many ways, Al Gore’s work was prophetic to a world that wasn’t listening.

So…I’m wondering, if the idea “orange” isn’t sticking, and people are really just relegating it to gimmick or “stuff for kids” status, where’s the “inconvenient truth” that could capture our hearts?

Maybe there are more ideas than just this one, but I was stopped dead in my tracks this morning as I was reading the book of Judges:

7 And the people served the LORD all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the elders who outlived Joshua, who had seen all the great work that the LORD had done for Israel. 8 And Joshua the son of Nun, the servant of the LORD, died at the age of 110 years. And they buried him… 10 And all that generation also were gathered to their fathers.

I have to think about the way society was back in those times. You probably lived near your parents your whole life. They would be a great influence on you. This generation appears to be a busy generation. God had charged their fathers with fighting for the heart, imagining the end, making it personal, creating a rhythm, and widening the circle. And, quite honestly, it doesn’t seem like they did it. This generation gleaned some of what their parents may have taught them. But, look at what happened next. Midway through Judges 2:10, I was floored…

And there arose another generation after them who did not know the LORD or the work that he had done for Israel.

What happened? A whole generation didn’t know the Lord! A whole generation didn’t even know what God had done for Israel! Moses had warned two generations ago about this! He basically told them to IMPRESS these things on the heart of the next generation because there will be a time when they’ll be asking questions about “why do we pray?” and “what’s the big idea with Passover?” Two generations later, the grandkids know nothing.

Maybe we can blame the grandparents. They didn’t raise their kids to know that they needed to take their kids’ faith seriously.

Maybe we can blame the parents. Maybe they were preoccupied with conquering and settling the Promised Land. Too busy to impress anything on their kids.

I was horrified by the results…

11 And the people of Israel did what was evil in the sight of the LORD and served the Baals. 12 And they abandoned the LORD, the God of their fathers, who had brought them out of the land of Egypt. They went after other gods, from among the gods of the peoples who were around them, and bowed down to them. And they provoked the LORD to anger. 13 They abandoned the LORD and served the Baals and the Ashtaroth. 14 So the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel, and he gave them over to plunderers, who plundered them. And he sold them into the hand of their surrounding enemies, so that they could no longer withstand their enemies. 15 Whenever they marched out, the hand of the LORD was against them for harm, as the LORD had warned, and as the LORD had sworn to them. And they were in terrible distress.

A generation forfeited their obligation to speak into the next generation (to be orange), and the next generation neglected to provide any spiritual guidance. And now here’s a generation that’s totally lost. Depraved. Seeking hope in other gods. Making God angry with their behavior. Vulnerable. Hurt. “In terrible distress.”

Here’s what’s an “inconvenient truth” to me. If we don’t take seriously our charge as parents to raise up our kids to be followers of Jesus, it’s not like we have to die in order for us to lose our influence. Back in the day, you’d be around your family your whole life. Influence was probably a strong, life-long reality. But nowadays, your kid could go off to college; and that could be pretty much it. There may be holidays, but the influencing time was really in that first eighteen years.

This is one of the reasons that Orange means so much to me. At least they’re doing SOMETHING! Oh, and it’s not like they invented in some lab in Atlanta. This was God’s plan from the beginning. See Deuteronomy chapter 6. This wasn’t GOD’S PLAN! Just because they didn’t follow it doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t work. I would think that God’s plan would work just fine if we actually followed it.

I freaked out when I saw shrinking polar ice caps.

I freaked out when I read Judges 2:10.

This whole orange thing is no joke.


In an effort to not waste any time with what I watch as entertainment, I was thinking about “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” and parenting this last weekend. One, what an epic movie. Could they have picked a better guy to be cruel to the primates than Malfoy?

So…a big plot element of this movie is that James Franco injects the ALZ-112 drug into the chimp, Caesar; and things get pretty freaky tiki after that.

And I was wondering. This idea of “creating a monster” is definitely not a foreign concept to life or film. I think about the guys who invented the nuclear bomb or what occurs in the movie “Frankenstein.” And who can forget that one must not feed a Mogwai chicken after midnight. Gizmo was cute; Stripe and his buddies were utter chaos!

So…things get crazy after Caesar gets more and more intelligent (but not necessarily more mature) because of the drug.

As parents, what can be our ALZ-112 drug to our kids?

Is it that first time that you give in to a tantrum?
Is it letting a kid watch “Family Guy” for the first time because all his friends are?
Is it giving your toddler soda (aka, rocket fuel)?
Is it letting your teen go on a “date” date?

I guess we could parent scared when we think about all things that we could “do to” our kids that could open up a whole can of worms of craziness.

Give in to too many tantrums, and you’ll raise a brat.
Let your kids watch the Griffin family, and they’ll become sociopaths.
Teach your kid poor eating habits, and they’ll be doomed to a life of poor health.
Let them go on a date too early, and you’ll have to stock up on ammo to keep all the boys away.

It’s enough to make a man (or parent) crazy.

But we’re not alone in all this. Yes, there are wise decisions. And I would encourage parents to (in spite of the tantrums, the begging, the crying, or the guilt trips) still think about, as Andy Stanley puts it, “The Best Question Ever.”

My paraphrase of this great book would be that we need to look at all of our life’s decisions through the lens of this question:

In light of our past, present, and future, what’s the WISE thing to do.

God will grant us wisdom if we seek it.

But also, something tells me, if we mess up, God can still work with the fallout.

Thank God nothing is so absolutely catastrophic as injecting the ALZ-112 drug into chimpanzees. Although sometimes it may seem like the fate of the free world rests on our decisions, I really want to stick with the words of Jesus:

“Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

It doesn’t get more “weary” or “heavy laden” than feeling responsible for the growth of a child. I get that. I was holding Evie this morning, and she was just sleeping in my arms. And I was thinking to myself, in the words of Jimmy Buffett, “Little Miss Magic, what you gonna be?” This is a question loaded with unlimited possibilities and, possibly, unlimited space to freak out.

Jesus is calling us to trust. I say listen to Him.


Here in the lovely Central Valley of California, we are going to be having an event called: Meet Me at Chick-Fil-A. Members of the family ministry team and I were able to attend the Meet Me at Chick-Fil-A when we went to the Orange Tour down in So-Cal this fall, and it was an awesome experience. Why is it cool? Here’s my top ten reasons:

1. The people who work there have to say, “My Pleasure” when you say, “Thank you.” C’mon. That’s fun to experiment with.

2. You get to meet with other Orange thinkers from your area and bounce ideas about the application of the Orange strategy in the local church. This is what it’s all about.

3. The Original Chicken Sandwich. Seriously, there isn’t a fast food place that I get excited to be at more than Chick-Fil-A.

4. When I went, I was convicted by the questions of other people; and I had the encouragement to do something!

5. You get to wear orange (which just so happened to be my favorite color before the philosophy was even invented).

6. You get to see how other people can take the same curriculum, books, and ideas and put them into practice in totally different, creative ways.

7. Texas Pete hot sauce packets. They’re made in the town I grew up in (Winston-Salem, NC), and they’re vinegary bombness.

8. You can talk to an Orange Specialist. We’ve got one with us in Fresno (Stephanie Porter), and she’s a great resource for when you’ve got questions or are wondering if something has ever been done before.

9. Sweet tea. Cravin’ Mellon (a South Carolina band) wrote a song about the merits of sweet tea. “On the eighth day, God made sweet tea.” It stimulates the mind.

10. Networking. The conversation doesn’t end at Chick-Fil-A. Through Facebook, Twitter, and all that other dinosaur stuff, you can stay in touch with other people who are trying their best to partner with families to incite wonder, provoke discovery, and fuel passion in the next generation.

Find out where there’s a “Meet Me at Chick-Fil-A” Event close to you. As for you Central Valley people, it’s going to be at Chick-Fil-A on Blackstone (near River Park and right off of 41) on Thursday, February 9th at 2 PM.

I’ll be wearing orange.



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