Tag Archives: dreams

I’ve been on a strange Eminem kick recently. I watched “8 Mile” with Mary Kate (because she had never seen it); and, just yesterday watched a documentary on Hulu called “Eminem, AKA.” It got me thinking…

From all accounts Marshall Mathers III was a pretty troubled kid. He moved around 20 times when he was a small child, was always around alcoholism (at least four generations), was picked on mercilessly (and beaten) for being the only white kid in his schools, and even endured the suicide of his closest friend when a teenager.

What did he do with all of this pain and dysfunction? He channeled all of his hurts and anger into an alter ego that he created called “Slim Shady.” This character is brash, picks fights, and basically stands up to the world for Marshall. The scary thing is that he almost has a split personality now. Songs like “Stan,” upon further reflection, make me realize that there is probably a lot of guilt for the fact that people actually hero-worship his defense mechanism.

He recently went through rehab and came out sober. In “Not Afraid” he raps:

I think I’m still trying to figure this crap out.
Thought I had it mapped out, but I guess I didn’t.
This ****ing black cloud still follows me around.
But it’s time to exercise these demons.
These mother****ers are doing jumping jacks now.

With so much pain in his life (probably a lot of it self-induced at this point), I really feel for this guy. I know that his movie, his songs, and even the documentary of his life could all be spin; but you want to pull for this guy. But how can you really “exercise…demons” without Jesus?

A unique characteristic of Eminem is that he is this tough guy who has consistently communicated a genuine love for his daughter. Many of his lyrics claim that he does what he does so that he could be successful for her.

I hope the best for him. In that same song, he raps the following:

No more drama.
From now on I promise to only focus on my responsibilities as a father.

So…here’s the question that’s been ringing in my ears:

Do we have “Slim Shady” personas that we’ve created?

One of things I fear is that Eminem is just not going to be able to really give his daughter all he wants for her because he insists on continuing to be “Eminem” or “Slim Shady,” not Marshall, Haley’s dad.

I think that to varying degrees we all have created alter egos to protect us from the harmful effects of imperfect parenting ourselves, but how do we safeguard ourselves against projecting that onto our own kids?

As a kid, I created an alter ego. I even wrote about it for English class in the 9th grade. I called the essay, “The Animal.” It’s basically a paper about how I always have to be “the life of the party” or the “class clown” because I don’t feel like people wouldn’t care about me otherwise.

Now, almost 20 years later, I still struggle with the same things. I want people to know me, yet I still push them away when I’m being my own kind of Slim Shady.

I don’t want to wear that mask around Evie. I don’t want to wear that mask around Mary Kate. I want to be authentic. I want to trust in the Apostle Paul’s words when he says:

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

This comforts me when I’m freaking over my “demons” doing “jumping jacks” inside me (figuratively). I don’t have to be that boy who feels rejected, belittled, or insecure. I can be whole.

This is a work in progress, but I know that I’ve got to make my healing a priority in order to be healthy for my wife and my child. My hope is in Jesus. I pray that we can all find that hope, even Eminem.

So…is there something that you’ve been trying to be that’s not really from God? I welcome you to join me in laying that at the feet of the Cross and really trusting that Jesus has got us.

In the words of Lecrae (a Christian rapper) in “Our God”:

If You get me, I know that You got me.
I’m so insecure I can’t believe that You want me.
But then I heard You went out of Your way to adopt me.
Well You can have my all. Don’t drop me.
I love you!

Posted by Paul Mannino in movies, paul, songs Tags: 2 corinthians 5:17, 8 mile, alcoholism, alter ego, apostle paul, christ, class clown, defense mechanisms, dreams, eminem, eminem aka, exercising your demons, fatherhood, fatherly love, fear, generational sin, growth, haley, hero worship, hopes, imperfect parents, insecurities, insecurity, jesus, lecrae, life of the party, marshall mathers, new creation, not afraid, our god, overcompensating, projection, rejection, security, slim shady, sober, sobriety, stan, suicide, the animal, the cross