Orange Dad
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Tag Archives: create a rhythm

Heartfelt Father’s Day Experience

September 6, 2012

First off, I am completely aware that I am posting something about Father’s day September.  That may be an indication of how crazy my summer has been…

This past Father’s Day, my church had father’s come up on stage with one of their kids and a little cardboard sign.  On the cardboard sign was a number– a number signifying how many more weekends that dad had left to be the primary influence in his kid’s life (before they went off to college).  It was a powerful moment.  I’ve written about the concept before here.  Also, my header (for now) on my FB fan page is a picture of all the dads.

This video followed.  These are the dads who were “at zero.”  In other words, these were the dads whose sons and daughters were graduating and heading off to community college or college.  Just being a part of the filming process with these men was humbling, and it really made me think about the time that I have with Evie.  Thank you Jon, Mark, Paul, and Brian for sharing you heart in this:

Posted by in orange parents, paul Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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What IS Family Ministry?

July 19, 2012

[This post is a contribution to a "Blog Tour," consisting of a gazillion bloggers who are one-per-day answering the question: "What is family ministry?"  You can get a link to all the other posts here.  I think I'm blogger #18, and there have been some tremendous posts put out there in the blogosphere already.]

What is family ministry?

“Late to the party.”

Yup.  That would be my initial response.

Let me explain.  I am doing premarital counseling for the first time this month.  I’m really excited about it.  My heart is really in this one because I care deeply about this young man and this young woman’s success.  So, yeah, I’m going to talk about the typical things that premarital counselors would talk about (I think…I’m new to this): family history, money, conflict, “love languages,” expectations, etc.  But…then I realized that I was leaving a gaping hole in my plan of action.  What about the charge in Deuteronomy 6 to families?  Are we even going to talk about the importance of being Orange as a family?  Much to the chagrin of my hypocrisy-o-meter, I wasn’t planning on it.  Woops.

And I wonder, is family ministry often late to the party in our churches?  What can we do to ensure that couples, when they are getting married, KNOW what is expected of them as far as being the primary spiritual influences in the lives of their kids?  We talk about all the good stuff that Reggie Joiner and the Orange Crew talk about by the time they hit our ministries, but wouldn’t it be cool for our young couples to pray for their future families in a Psalm-139-I-prayed-for-you-before-you-were-even-in-your-mama’s-womb kind of way?

The stakes of “making it personal,” “imagining the end,” “creating a rhythm,” “widening the circle,” and “fighting for the heart” are high.  Wouldn’t it be cool to speak a vision into our not-yet-marrieds of how important it is to have a vital relationship with Jesus, to talk about what you want your family to be about, how that’s going to look day-in-day-out, how others can help, and how we never quit on one another?

And, why stop there?  Family ministry may actually start in ministering to college/young adults.  They need to be thinking about these things before they get down on one knee or say, “Yes.”  It was awesome to talk about the Orange family values recently in our college/young adult ministry.  Believe me, they want to figure out how to be healthy husbands, fathers, moms, and dads.

We know that the seeds are planted in our young people when they  have been a part of healthy ministry themselves from pre-K to high school; but I’m thinking that this partnership shouldn’t be neglected in the young-adult, yet-to-have-a-family-of-my-own-years.

I was kicking this idea for this post around with my church’s Family Ministries Director.  She looked at me all weird and told me that she had a dream about the wedding I mentioned earlier.  In the dream, I looked up at everyone during the ceremony and said something like, “You are all witnesses to an amazing thing.  A family is being born today.”  I got goosebumps when I heard about that because it’s a freaky coincidence, and I was (and still am) staggered by the truth of how God does that.  He makes families.  He is the Family Maker.

I know this is a different take on it all (and, honestly, some of the other posts have already covered some of the things that I would have said in my “standard” answer); let’s figure out how we can partner better and better and better– and as early as possible.  It may start earlier than you think.  We don’t want to be late to the party.

Posted by in orange leaders, orange parents, paul Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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Orange Family Values

June 20, 2012

Today I want to take some time to check out a passage of the Bible that has been the foundation of a series that we just finished at New Harvest this past Sunday: Orange.  Actually, if you want to listen to the sermons from the series, you can listen here.  [These values come from a book, "Think Orange" by Reggie Joiner, which I highly recommend.]

We’re going to take it back to the old school and check out Moses’ charge to the nation of Israel not too long before his death.  It’s in the fourth book of the Bible: Deuteronomy.  What I’d like to do is take the passage bit by bit and provide a little reminder of what this verse means for us today:

Deuteronomy 6:4-12

“Hear O Israel…”

The first family value comes out of the first three words!  See, when Moses was speaking (and you’ll see it’s all about raising up the next generation to have authentic faith), he wasn’t just talking to parents.  He wasn’t just talking to “religious leaders.”  He was talking to the ENTIRE NATION.  That leads us to value #1…

#1 WIDEN THE CIRCLE

Widening the circle means allowing as many people as you can to invest in the spiritual growth of your kids.  Parents, that means that you can’t be the only spiritual voice in the lives of your kids.  Church people, it means that you’ve got to make sure that you partner WITH parents.  When it comes to imparting an authentic faith on the next generation, the more the merrier!

“…the LORD our God, the LORD is one.”

The second family value flows out of this.  Basically, Moses is saying that all of life boils down to this.  This is the framework for your life.  ”God is our God.  God is the only God.”  This may not seem significant on a surface level, but if life is all about God, how we raise our kids is going to be different than if we think that life is all about something else.  Life is not about being “well-adjusted” or “well-rounded” or “happy” or “having all the things we couldn’t have when we were kids.”  Life is about knowing Jesus and making Him known.  That’s why value #2 is…

#2 IMAGINE THE END

Instead of obsessing about WHAT we want our kids to be (ie, the next Peyton Manning, the next great ballerina, the next Bill Gates)– we should be focusing on who they are.  Do they understand that they are a child of God?  Does that captivate their hearts?  Is it the framework of every decision they make?  If that’s the goal, how do we get there?

“…you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.”

God uses heart language to describe the relationship that He wants for His followers.  Yeah, parents would probably love to have an obedient kid; but, even beyond the rules, we should care about what’s going on in the heart.  Why do I say that?  It’s clear that God is most concerned with the heart condition of His followers throughout the Bible. That leads us to value #3…

#3 FIGHT FOR THE HEART

If God fights for our hearts by constantly reminding us of how much He loves us and all He’s done for us, shouldn’t we do the same for our kids?  We should fight for their hearts!  We shouldn’t give up on them (even when they break the rules).  We should demonstrate sacrificial, heart communication to our kids (even when they frustrate us to no end).  Why?  Because that’s how God loves us.

“And these words that I command you today shall be upon your heart.”

It’s easy to teach stuff that you don’t practice yourself.  But, when you see that your leader is not the real thing, it can really poke a hole in everything that person ever said.  That’s why we can’t teach our kids what we don’t own ourselves.  And that’s our #4 value…

#4 MAKE IT PERSONAL

You’ve got to own your relationship with God.  Most Christian parents want their kids to be “prayer warriors,” but rare is the family that actually takes the time to pray with their families (besides Thanksgiving or “grace”).  We don’t want our kids to form their viewpoints of the world based on media or their friends (or their schools), but we don’t expose them to the counter-message that’s in Scripture.  Oh, man, we’ve got to get this one right.

“…you shall teach [these words that I command you today] diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Moses talks about universal stuff that everyone in every time and every culture can do.  We all wake up, go to bed, talk at home, and travel.  In these natural rhythms of life, we’re supposed to talk about who God is and what difference He makes.  If life is all about Him, life’s rhythms should reflect Him throughout.  Which brings us to value #5…

#5 CREATE A RHYTHM

We can’t pretend that this kind of stuff (Bible study, discussions about God, what they’re learning in church, prayer, etc.) is just going to happen “organically.”  It won’t.  Our culture isn’t going to just remind us to do this.  We have to be intentional!  I love the Parent Cue app that Orange puts out because it at least gives us pointers in the right direction if we’re totally clueless!  But, whatever you do, you’ve got to wrestle with the rhythms of your family’s life and where God fits into all of it.

Moses ends by telling us why this is so important in verses 10-12.  To paraphrase: “One of these days.  Life is going to be a whole lot easier because God’s going to make good on His promise to give you an awesome land and an awesome life.  When you’ve got all that great stuff around you (distractions and blessings), make sure you don’t forget about God!”

Ultimately, that’s the thing: our kids can grow up to be “well-adjusted,” but how well adjusted can someone be when they’ve still got a HUGE sin problem?  And is it really great to be “well-rounded” at things that don’t matter?  What about being “happy” and ignorant?  No thanks.  Oh, and what about if they did have everything we c0uldn’t have growing up but totally MISSED the most important thing (a relationship with God).

These family values matter.

Let’s focus on the right stuff.

Posted by in books, orange leaders, orange parents, paul Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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Capturing the Heart of Preschoolers: @cassbrannan #oc12

May 24, 2012

I was really excited to go to this breakout at the Orange Conference for three main reasons:

1. I have a preschooler.

It’s a fact.  Evie’s not in school, so that makes her pre-school.

2. I want her heart to be captured by Jesus.

As Cass said, “If we don’t, the world will.”

3. A guy was leading this breakout.

Maybe I’m weird to think it’s unique that a guy is a preschool guru, but I want to join the ranks of guys who are passionate about pre-school ministry.

First off, I’m thankful that Cass shared his notes from his breakout on his blog here.  That saves me a lot of work!

I was most touched by how accessible parents can really make the Bible for our kids.  We can break the Bible down to essential truths and weave those into everyday conversation.  I’m going with the big three: “God made me,” “God loves me,” and “Jesus wants to be my friend forever.”  The main thing is that our kids realize that the Bible is the place to go to find out all we need to know.

I was touched by a couple of examples of the difference between getting a preschooler to memorize a verse to get free stickers and how to write God’s truth on their hearts.  In one example, Cass talked about a kid who had actually comforted his family in the midst of a tornado because he remembered “be strong and courageous…don’t be afraid.”  I’d love for Evie to know those kinds of things during the “tornados” of life.  Also, Cass illustrated how to extend a Bible story from Sunday morning throughout the week.  He talked about how his kids had learned about the miraculous catch of fish in church.  While the boys where in the tub, Cass dumped all of their tub toys (so at least 3,000 items) into the tub to demonstrate how much God had provided.  This giggly moment probably hammered home to those boys this story.

The pressure’s on (in a good way) because I was reminded that kids can smell fake– we’ve got to teach, model, and live what we’re telling our kids.

I think I was most touched by the idea that we really have to make the most of the time that we have; and the way that we can do that is by creating a rhythm.  We can take advantage of the little moments in a preschooler’s life: play time, car time, bath time, and cuddle time.  We can pray, talk, ask our kids what was their favorite thing of the day and what was their least favorite.  The bottom line is that we have to capture our kids’ hearts (and no…not in some weird Indiana Jones “GOLIMAR” kind of way).

This had me thinking about the music that I listen to while I’m hanging out with Evie.  And, although I’m not listening to gangsta rap with her around, I am kind of in neutral with what I was listening to: Raffi, Yo Gabba Gabba, or Disney stuff.  I realized I can do better.  I bought three CD’s that I’m going to review on here soon: Yancy Not Nancy’s “Little Praise Party: Happy EveryDay” [listen online] and the Orange peeps’ “Zapped” [listen online] and (my favorite) “Whoooo Loves You?” [listen online].  Evie loves these songs, and I love them too because she’s learning “God made it all,” that Jesus is a “present from heaven,” and that God is with her.

Bottom line from all of this is that I know it’s going to take work.  Cass said it’s going to take work.  But, at the end of the day, we want our kids to be oozing with a Biblical worldview.  It was convicting and informative.  I began to realize that being creative about how to reach our little ones is definitely a worthwhile investment of energy.  Cass has great ideas on his blog.  Also, I want to send a shout out to Amanda White’s blog for this because she’s really creative too (so you don’t have to be).

What sorts of things do you do (or have done) with your preschoolers to write God’s Word on their hearts?

Posted by in orange conference, orange leaders, orange parents, paul Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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I Don’t Get It

March 28, 2012

Confession time. Recently, I was sitting on the couch, watching TV, and this ad came on:

I looked over at Mary Kate (my wife); and said, “OK, this commercial makes no sense to me. I don’t get it.”

Then she explained that it was all about the movie “The Black Swan.” I didn’t even realize the girl was wearing a ballerina outfit. The commercial went from being kind of lame to pretty genius. I just didn’t get it in the first place.

I was thinking about that experience, about finally admitting that I might not know everything and chancing that my wife might know what was going on; and I realized that this is not normal for me.

If I don’t know something, I don’t like asking people. I don’t want to ask for help. I’ll keep quiet and Google it later. I’ll pretend like I know what people are talking about.

For some reason, I equate my coolness with being able to know everything about everything.

Here’s the problem with that: I can’t be an expert on everything.

I’m not an expert on parenting. That’s for sure. When Evie came into this world about five months ago, it was less of a “OK, you’ve crammed and know everything, right?” than a “Ready or not, here I come!”

I feel more “not” than “ready.”

Ready or not, this is what God calls His people to do when it comes to being a parent (extracted from Deuteronomy 6:5-7):

- Love God with all your intentions
- Love God with your deepest passions
- Love God with the most commitment you can possibly muster
- Internalize God’s Word
- Impress God’s Word on the hearts of your kids
- Talk about His Word all the time

Pretty intimidating, huh? But the stakes of not admitting that we need help are so much greater than if we fail to mention that we don’t understand a Mustang commercial. For one, this is a command from God. It’s the way things are supposed to be. Also, we’re talking about something so precious– our kids.

Which is more important to you, though, preserving your pride or taking help?

This is why I love Orange. At New Harvest, we’re walking with you, offering up ways to do what God is commanding us to do.

If you’ve got a baby, listen to Parent Link Live.

If you’ve got a toddler, those monthly Parent Cues that you can pick up at registration are vital (also…stay tuned for a pre-school parent blog!).

If you’ve got elementary kids, there are myriad ways, between the Parent Cues, Family Life Live, and (my favorite) the Parent Cue App.

If you’ve got middle school or high school kids, our parent cues are now taking video form and are available on our blog and our Facebook fan page.

Look, I had to ask what was going on with that commercial. Maybe we need to take the small steps to get us to start realizing the potential that we have as parents to impress God’s Word on our kids’ hearts.

It all starts with a question, “Hey, um, I’ve got a kid whose _______. What can I be doing to help her grow in her faith?”

Posted by in orange leaders, orange parents, YouTube Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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“Weird” Timing

January 12, 2012

I just so happened to be following Craig Groeschel on Twitter because he’s going to be speaking at the Orange Conference. The other day, I saw him tweet that his most recent book, “Weird,” was on Amazon as an eBook for super-cheap ($3.99). Since, I’ve got an iPad, this was a no-brainer.

Already, this book is changing the way I’m thinking about my life. The first few chapters are all about the concept of time. Right now, I’m feeling overwhelmed by a lot of things going on all at once. I’m always convincing myself that I just need to find a better rhythm.

Groeschel makes a stunning point about how we use our time in general. Look how it could apply to family time, investing in our kids’ spiritual lives:

“Catch yourself the next time you’re about to say, ‘I don’t have the time’ for something. Tell yourself the truth: either it’s not a priority and you’re guarding your time for a good reason, or you simply aren’t willing to choose to spend your time on it.”

Normal people run around like chickens with their heads cut off, not having much family time and lament, “It is what it is…”

What a dumb phrase. Of course it is what “it is,” but does that mean that it’s what it ought to be?

We’ve got to make better choices. I’m still reading, but I’m hooked (and convicted).

How do we choose to spend out times on the right things?

Posted by in books Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

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Every Parent Should Buy…

November 8, 2011

…”Parenting Beyond Your Capacity” by Reggie Joiner & Carey Nieuwhof. You can do it here.

No, seriously. You could buy four Starbucks drinks with the amount of money it costs and watch a week’s worth of Wheel of Fortune in the time that it would probably take to read it and realign your gauges for what’s important as a parent.

I am the skeptic of all skeptics. I don’t drink anyone’s Kool-Aid, even if it’s “orange” Kool-Aid. When I read a book, I think the burden of proof is always on the author to show me that what he/she is saying is the real deal.

That’s why it’s so remarkable that, when I read “Parenting Beyond Your Capacity,” I literally would get so excited about sections that I would have to tell my wife, “Hey, listen to this!”

The book is organized in a conversational tone from both authors to discuss ideas such as:

* A parent’s influence is best realized in partnership with the church.
[Orange 101]

* God isn’t holding up a perfect picture; He’s writing a bigger story.
[So stop trying to appear "perfect."]

* Pursue strategic relationships for your kids.
[You can't do this by yourself! No one can or should.]

* Focus your priorities on what matters most.
[Imagine the end. WHO do we want our kids to become?]

* Communicate in a style that gives the relationship value.
[Fight for the heart!]

* Increase the quantity of quality time you spend together.
[How do you interact with your kid? Is there a rhythm?]

* Put yourself first when it comes to personal growth.
[Does your faith make your kids believe more or less in God?]

* You can mobilize your family to demonstrate God’s love in a broken world.
[Focus the family.]

I’m on the early, early end of the parenting spectrum. Shoot, my baby is like, what, seventeen days old. But I’m hoping that I will still be implementing the strategies and ideas from this book when Evie is seventeen years old.

This is a resource that I can literally put in any parent’s hands if they are humble enough to ask for help!

I will hit more of this book as I continue to write on this blog because I’m now fully wrapped up in “Think Orange” (the mothership of Orange books– aimed at church leaders). What makes this book great, though, is that it speaks directly to the parent side of the equation. Good, good stuff.

I’m not saying this book is the end all be all, though. With that being said…

Are their any other parenting resources that you have read (or would like to share with me) that have really helped you as a parent (or you as a family ministry person) to grow up your kids in their faith?

Posted by in books Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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